Question for a women out their concerning wife. (Just want an opinion)

[Danny]

I wife sometimes I think does not care about my feelings. (Or maybe I
am just over sensitive).

She makes plans with her mom all the time and takes my daughter with
her. On a Thursday I call home at lunch to check messages. I hear a
message from my mother-in-law to my daughter saying she ant wait to
take her to the movies to see Garfield with my wife. (For the next
day).

When I get home I ask her if she was ever going to tell me of her
plans to go to the movies. She said they had planned on taking her to
the 2:25 show. I told her I would like to go and that their was a 4:50
show. (I get off at 4:30). She said fine or something like that.

Had a busy day at work, she called twice and could not get ahold of
me. Left me a message the last time that "she would see me after
work". indicating that they were going to go to the early movie.

I called her at home and asked why. She said they did not want to wait
around until I got off work. She said she would wait if it was that
important. (Indicating she was a little aggitated and did not want to
wait.) I talked to her some more about some different subject then she
says, "i'll just call you after work". (Indicating they were going to
the early movie after all.) Sg=he said we would go out to eat after
whh=en I get off. (We were going to do that before anyway)

I know this seems like nit picking but this happens all the time. I
just dont feel like anyone cares.

My wife even tells me that I let people run over me too much. Maybe
that is my problem. Any suggestions? (Even telling me if I am an
idiot?)

[RDF]

Dan,
I was sort of in the same boat, but some of the parameters were
different. I work a lot as well and I'm 34 and I was engaged to a woman who
was 40 with three teen age kids. Two lived with us in a large home that I
had built. I wanted to do things with them and bond and be an active part of
all of their lives. The biological father was never around for his kids and
I supported the family on a respectable income.
I tried the same route as you, trying to get into an active state and I
was brushed aside. I tried everything including couple's counseling and
that helped open my fiancée's eyes a bit and had it not been for an
infidelity issue I found out about I am of the opinion that the counseling
would have gotten her to be more responsive to my needs and desires just as
you have spelled out. (I left her because she had an affair, the one thing
I can't forgive- why I left her)
In short, consider maybe seeing a professional by yourself first and put
your cards on the table and get a view from that person who can steer you
into ideas to help out or even possibly recommended couples help. There is
no social stigma with trying to heal a wound in a family, it's no different
that if you broke a leg. just on a different level. I know how much what
you are going through hurts and I have been in your shoes but it's got to be
way harder when the kids are your own. I wish you all the best and I hope
this is of some value to you. You are NOT being over sensitive at all, you
are being smart enough to see that there is something out of whack per-se.
All I know is when I broke it off, the kids suffered again, just as when the
parents divorced. They are the ones who really take the brunt of family
problems. They see it all and you can't lie to a kid, they see right through
it. You are on the right path by even posting this.

Nothing but the best,

Rob

Post by Danny
I wife sometimes I think does not care about my feelings. (Or maybe I
am just over sensitive).
She makes plans with her mom all the time and takes my daughter with
her. On a Thursday I call home at lunch to check messages. I hear a
message from my mother-in-law to my daughter saying she ant wait to
take her to the movies to see Garfield with my wife. (For the next
day).
When I get home I ask her if she was ever going to tell me of her
plans to go to the movies. She said they had planned on taking her to
the 2:25 show. I told her I would like to go and that their was a 4:50
show. (I get off at 4:30). She said fine or something like that.
Had a busy day at work, she called twice and could not get ahold of
me. Left me a message the last time that "she would see me after
work". indicating that they were going to go to the early movie.
I called her at home and asked why. She said they did not want to wait
around until I got off work. She said she would wait if it was that
important. (Indicating she was a little aggitated and did not want to
wait.) I talked to her some more about some different subject then she
says, "i'll just call you after work". (Indicating they were going to
the early movie after all.) Sg=he said we would go out to eat after
whh=en I get off. (We were going to do that before anyway)
I know this seems like nit picking but this happens all the time. I
just dont feel like anyone cares.
My wife even tells me that I let people run over me too much. Maybe
that is my problem. Any suggestions? (Even telling me if I am an
idiot?)

[Liberty Bottomley]

If I were you, I wouldn't ever beg or plead. Your wife is shoving you aside and you are taking it. You can expect a serious altercation with her when you try to change her behavior. But do so, nonetheless. You owe it to her and to yourself. However, you can also expect that she will brush aside your every statement as deluded or mistaken. My wife treated me as yours does for many years. No matter what I said, she blamed me or evaded the issue or gave me "the silent treatment." She just wouldn't be pinned down to a fact.

Your wife is developing a life that doesn't include you in it. She is not "sharing her life with you."

My wife was secretive, didn't share her thoughts, flirted like an idiot many many times right in front of me, took trips by herself, and to top it all off, denied that she and an old boyfriend, a professional photographer, had met secretly. I had all the proof and facts; she could remember none or wouldn't admit them.

She was shocked that I would leave and divorce her. She couldn't believe it. Her inflated vanity could not accept that the man she mistreated for so long a time would get sick of it.