What should I think

[stryped]

x-no-archive:yes

My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

[Michaela Mackenzie]

x-no-archive:yes

Post by stryped
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

Cos you get something out of worrying?

- Michaela

[Troll]

Post by stryped
x-no-archive:yes
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

Your wifey has spend her good years and now just sits at home getting fat
and nugging you. Any sane man would find something bothering in that
picture.

[Dolores]

Post by Troll

Post by stryped
x-no-archive:yes
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

Your wifey has spend her good years and now just sits at home getting fat
and nugging you. Any sane man would find something bothering in that
picture.

I hate nuggies.

[ArtMart]

Post by stryped
x-no-archive:yes
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

That would bother me too. It a red flag for sure.
AM

[r***@lycos.com]

I can't believe no one has made this suggestion but here goes:

JUST TALK TO HER!!!!

If it bugs you, (and certainly if it's part of a larger pattern that
you see as minimal response to your affections) just tell your wife and
tell her why. That might open up lines of discussion that so far
haven't been open.

[Dolores]

Post by r***@lycos.com
JUST TALK TO HER!!!!
If it bugs you, (and certainly if it's part of a larger pattern that
you see as minimal response to your affections) just tell your wife and
tell her why. That might open up lines of discussion that so far
haven't been open.

All right, yeah, this guy is right.

[Visi Caulk Mah Pnats]

Post by stryped
x-no-archive:yes
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other.
For awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt
message in my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother
me?

Be happy she got you something. Why
cant people ever be happy with what they have?

considering the other issues with your wife, what are you waiting for?
Things just don't get better by themselves.

[Lash Rambo]

Post by stryped
x-no-archive:yes
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

For the same reason you came here and told us about it instead of seeking
marriage counselling or a lawyer: because you're you.

[A***@nospam.com]

Post by stryped
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

In other words, you put a lot of time, effort, and thought into what you
wrote to her, and she responded with something that took a very short time,
and you were expecting her to have taken as much time and effort.

Or you could look at it, that you showed that you are still willing to
put a lot of time and effort to try to get a response from her, i.e., you
are still chasing her. So why should she bother? She has you - that is
obvious by the fact that you put in all the time and effort it took to
write what you did. And you did it with her giving you nothing - and being
"not very affectionate". So why should she do more?

The relationship is one sided because you do not demand anything of her.
She isn't afraid of losing you, or doesn't care. If it's that she doesn't
care, then cut your losses and move one. If it is that she isn't afraid of
losing you, then starting to get out and do more without her, is a VERY
good thing as she'll come around quickly.

The key is to demand a certain level of attention from the woman you are
with. If she slacks off, then you need to start looking for someone that
doesn't. If she gives you attention, then return it - but don't over do it.
It's like any type of training - you reward good behavior and punish poor
behavior. It really isn't all that difficult.

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[stryped]

x-no-archive:yes

It is not as easy as "I'm going to quit taking this crap and leave."
There are kids involved. I dont want to end up seeing them only every
other weekend for the rest of my life. They are everythign to me.

I am completely open to counseling but she does not think anything is
wrong. I plan on suggesting it soon.

[Michaela Mackenzie]

x-no-archive:yes

Post by stryped
It is not as easy as "I'm going to quit taking this crap and leave."
There are kids involved. I dont want to end up seeing them only every
other weekend for the rest of my life. They are everythign to me.

Well there you go then. You think that's the only alternative and
so you give all your power away.

Post by stryped
I am completely open to counseling but she does not think anything is
wrong.

As long as she has you thinking that she doesn't think anything
is wrong she doesn't have to put any effort into the rship.

I plan on suggesting it soon.

Hmmm.

- Michaela

[A***@nospam.com]

Post by stryped
x-no-archive:yes
It is not as easy as "I'm going to quit taking this crap and leave."
There are kids involved. I dont want to end up seeing them only every
other weekend for the rest of my life. They are everythign to me.
I am completely open to counseling but she does not think anything is
wrong. I plan on suggesting it soon.

Ah - children change everything as they must come first. There are
several books that I have been told are quite useful one of which is: "When
Love Dies, How to save a Hopeless Marriage" by Judy Bodmer (I think). It is
actually written for a woman - but can prove invaluable in understand how
women look at things. I have several friends that found it invaluable - and
helped them to broach the subject of counseling.

A lot of women start thinking of themselves as a mother, and forget they
are also sensual creatures. Sometimes it takes a bit for them to remember
that simple fact.

Good luck.

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[Dolores]

Post by A***@nospam.com

Post by stryped
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

In other words, you put a lot of time, effort, and thought into what you
wrote to her, and she responded with something that took a very short time,
and you were expecting her to have taken as much time and effort.
Or you could look at it, that you showed that you are still willing to
put a lot of time and effort to try to get a response from her, i.e., you
are still chasing her. So why should she bother? She has you - that is
obvious by the fact that you put in all the time and effort it took to
write what you did. And you did it with her giving you nothing - and being
"not very affectionate". So why should she do more?
The relationship is one sided because you do not demand anything of her.
She isn't afraid of losing you, or doesn't care. If it's that she doesn't
care, then cut your losses and move one. If it is that she isn't afraid of
losing you, then starting to get out and do more without her, is a VERY
good thing as she'll come around quickly.
The key is to demand a certain level of attention from the woman you are
with. If she slacks off, then you need to start looking for someone that
doesn't. If she gives you attention, then return it - but don't over do it.
It's like any type of training - you reward good behavior and punish poor
behavior. It really isn't all that difficult.

What's funny about this advice is that men who demand a certain level of
attention from me are the ones I never call again.

[Nick Chan]

play hard to get and get some hobby which makes u happy. see that she
will chase after u

[Heather]

My husband never even got me a card..never does. I usually spill my
love out and I don't get any effort back. Maybe its that marraige
"falling in and out of love" expression which i still havent figured.
Im not much help am I? Best of luck to you, and take care.

[Robert Maas, http://tinyurl.com/uh3t]

Post by Heather
My husband never even got me a card..never does.

If ever a woman had "feelings" for me, I'd rather that she offer to
spend quality time with me, rather than substitute a piece of paper
printed by a commercial card-making company for profit. If she
really feels the need to spend $.75 on me, I'd rather she split it
into 75 instances of "a penny for your thoughts" with a romantic
smile on her face, perhaps five per day for 15 consecutive days.

Per "do unto others", if there were anyone I knew in RL, for whom I
had romantic "feelings", I wouldn't buy her a card either, I'd
offer to spend quality time with her. If she got mad at me because
she'd rather get a card than my companionship, then she isn't the
right person for me.

Now *chocolate* is a completely different matter. I like chocolate,
and wouldn't mind getting some from a gal who had feelings for me.
But after the chocolate high wears off, if that's all she has for
me, no companionship whatsoever, just chocolate, I'd eventually
think maybe she's not the right gal for me either. But I'd stick
with the chocolate-giving gal longer than the card-giving gal.

Many years ago a beautiful woman did in fact give me a chocolate
bunny for my birthday (which is near Easter, so it was easy for her
to give one ambiguous gift), which I loved. But she *also* spent
several hours necking with me each of several evenings per week, so
it wasn't an either-or situation.

Post by Heather
I usually spill my love out and I don't get any effort back.

Men like their beloved women to spill out their love physically,
with various forms of physical affection, not so much via a piece
of commercial paper with a commercially-produced message on it. How
exactlly do *you* spill out your love to your husband?

[Dolores]

Post by stryped
x-no-archive:yes
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

Divorce time.

[Anne Onime]

Post by Dolores

Post by A***@nospam.com

Post by stryped
My wife of several years and I got a valentine card for each other. For
awhile now she is not very affectionate. I put a heart felt message in
my card. Hers said "Love you lots". Why does that bother me?

In other words, you put a lot of time, effort, and thought into what you
wrote to her, and she responded with something that took a very short time,
and you were expecting her to have taken as much time and effort.
Or you could look at it, that you showed that you are still willing to
put a lot of time and effort to try to get a response from her, i.e., you
are still chasing her. So why should she bother? She has you - that is
obvious by the fact that you put in all the time and effort it took to
write what you did. And you did it with her giving you nothing - and being
"not very affectionate". So why should she do more?
The relationship is one sided because you do not demand anything of her.
She isn't afraid of losing you, or doesn't care. If it's that she doesn't
care, then cut your losses and move one. If it is that she isn't afraid of
losing you, then starting to get out and do more without her, is a VERY
good thing as she'll come around quickly.
The key is to demand a certain level of attention from the woman you are
with. If she slacks off, then you need to start looking for someone that
doesn't. If she gives you attention, then return it - but don't over do it.
It's like any type of training - you reward good behavior and punish poor
behavior. It really isn't all that difficult.

What's funny about this advice is that men who demand a certain level of
attention from me are the ones I never call again.

It is circular, because men who do not want for attention, need not
*demand* it, duh.

Post by Dolores
--
-=Lola
A.S.S. Gallery: http://www.sinmonkey.com/assgallery
-----------------------------
This raises an interesting theological question. Could God mix a
margarita so strong that even he would get hammered? --Mr. Wigglesworth